apparently, the only thing I am good at is putting others down

Erich is mad at me for going to Production class today after I was throwing up blood all night last night. I understand why he is mad at me...all he does is make sure I am alright, but there are times when I have to make decisions that need to be made, even if my health suffers for it.

I went to the Dr. today and I was told not to go to work, so I went to give my boss a letter saying that I didnt need to work today and Erich got mad...again.

I love him so much and lately it seems like Erich doesnt even even enjoy being around me anymore. He told me today opn my way to 6th period that he feels like I use him as a pin cushion. I dont mean to, but he is the only person I can talk to anymore and when I get upset he feels like I am yelling at him.

Am I a bitch to everyone and no one is telling me?

I love him so much!

Why does it feel like I am doing nothing but fucking shit up? Or is this just one of the downs in a relationship?

comment

truthfully

Just when things get good, selfishness has to tear them apart. Anyone know of any drummers?

I went up to BRC today and ran and stuff and then went to dance with Mr. MAXX Reed. Dancing is something I really want to do...it is funn.....but i am gunna be SORE tomorrow

I ♥ Erich so much that tonight when he left my house, I was actually sad about it. My parents went out of town for yet another funeral...My great uncle died yesterday....I hate being alone. Granted, I like it when my parents leave town for a few nights, but being alone in a huge house at night gets creepy sometimes. I wish erich could spend the night just once so i could remember how it was to wake up next to him. I have issues with being alone, but I think everybody does. I want to go to sleep but I am not tired.

BTW I have a god daughter for those who didnt know.... Hailey Jo Scallorn....she is adorable...pics soon

I havent updated this thing in a while so i decided to let you all know what is happening in my life......... Erich and I are doing really well....Reading entries from over a year ago when i first met him seems really wierd/cool. BeAu isnt around much anymore. He works a lot cuz now he is a manager. I have to say that i do miss him...the old BeAu. JuJu is coming around more often as well. Emily works a lot too, but im happy for her. I no longer work at Rue 21....seasonal jobs suck. I am thinking about just working for my parents'so i dont have to worry about schedules and such. Fallen Affair is doing well too. Drake is no longer in the band and Nate left before Drake was even gone. Stubby disappeared off of the face of the earth so now fallen Affair consists of Me, Ivy, Craig, and Ricky......we are looking for a second guitarist but we can do without for now. I am already planning this years AIDS benifit show for APRIL 1ST......It will be even bigger this year! im exited. I am on the street team for Back on The Map Booking so hopefully the scene gets better. School started back today....that sucked. im gunna go to sleep...............long day tomorrow.

I HATE SCHOOL!
OK, Math just isnt my thing and niether is spanish, but the fact that I studied for the last two tests that I have had in Algebra two and actually spent my time on them and mde lower grades than I did on the ones I rushed through.....REALLY pisses me off. Ridenour cannot tteach for shit! I wish my parents would have taken me out of his class at the beginning of the school year like I asked them to. Unless I make an AMAZING grade on this exam on tuesday, no one will see me for a very long time. And that goes fore spanish too. this sucks soooooo much!

The other day, we got a call from my family down in Lousisiana. They just got their fones turned back on. We didnt know where they were for a week and that was sooo not cool. Im goin to go down to Alien Ink tonight for tattoos with Bink and Hobbs. Im not getting inked though :( I am getting a loop for my nose though. Nate is quitting the band after the October 7th show. He has too much going on so after a year of playin amazing music, he will be leaving :( EVERYONE COME TO OUR SHOW!
FRIDAY OCTOBER 7TH
7pm $7
FALLEN AFFAIR
Submerged Truth
Shade of Daze
more TBA

Right now I feel like complete and total shit. My stomache hurts and I dont know why. I went and saw my ex, taylor, for the first time in 2 years and he is not any different than I remember. It was extremly akward. I kinda wish I would have listened to Erich, but when do I listen to anyone. I wasnt even there for 10 minutes and they were already passing around a bong. can you say u-n-c-o-m-f-o-r-t-a-b-l-e????? He started crying like three times because I wouldnt give him another chance. I HAVE THE BEST MAN EVER and I wont give him up for the same guy who stood me up on valentines day to go get high. It was so fucking wierd. I was wierded out to the point of discust almost. All he kept saying was "give me another chance" and "Im a different person" (yeah, right) and whenever I said I wasnt going to make the same mistake twice, he would cry. It was pretty pathetic. I hate saying that because i do think that men should cry but not over stupid shit like that.

Today, I have mixed emotions about so many things. grrrr. School started last Monday and Bolton sucks even more than it did the last two years I havew been there. I am sooo tired. I wanna go visit Erich when he is on break. I saw Ricky today and it was somewhat awkward and his new girlfriend seems like a total bitch. I wonder if Ricky is even gunna read this..........well ne ways, he and I had a perfectly normal conversation and I wouldnt mind being his friend again, but it seems like he doesnt want ne thing to do with me cuz his precious little gf doesnt like me. Oh well. I ♥ Erich! I am gunna go dye my hair now.

well, fallen affair is ok now. Steve is no longer a part of the group. Brayden Sides is now playing guitar for us and will be playing the Daisy with us as well. Ne ways.....I am kinda tired, but I dont wanna go to sleep. Ivy had her tonsils taken out 5 days ago...ya.....it sucks. She is still playin the show but will probably sit on her amp most of the time. I am impressed with myself cuz I havent looked at the keyboard once scince I began typing this thing......kool shit. DJ is a PENIS. haha. I AM A DAUGHTER WHO GETS SHIT THROWN AT HER BY HER MOM NUMERO DOS. No one is gunna understand half of this entry because the majority of those who will read this have no clue of what has happened in the past 5 minutes. And I STILL havent looked at the keyboard! YAY. My contacts are messing up so I AM GETTING OFF!!!....of the computer that is!

I am sooo sick of fallen afffair bullshit! Steve was at practice yesterday (one of the guitarists) and started sooo much shit! He has a HUGE ego and thinks that he runs everything even though he doesnt. I am about ready to say fuck all of this bullshit! I really hope the daisy show doesnt suck

HELL YES!!!!!!
THE JULY 30th show has been moved to August 5th at the New Daisy 7pm $7..BE THERE!

I wish I could trust people more.........especially the people that I love the most.

Anyways, Fallen Affair practice went well today and we have a new BADASS song. Also, our show at the daisy has been moved to Augusst 5th(thats a friday night) 7pm and $7.....be there.

Erich.......call me when you can.........i love you

I just got back from the mall and for some reason, I am sooo tired. I am gunna try to go to church tomorrow morning but Im doubtful that I will get up in time. I have an absolutly adorable pic of me and Erich from the fourth of July :
(I dont care if you think Im ugly...no one asked you to look so dont waste comment space with it)
I love that Man! :) ahhh.

I AM SOOOO TIRED! I had a fun night last night... My mom, Cissy, Amber, and I all went to Pappy's and I sang karaoke and Amber met a cute boy. Then around 10:30 , we left there and went to Alien Ink and got Amber another tattoo. We left there at around 3 this morning. Erich left for Michigan this morning for a week :( that is sad...Ill probably hang out with his friends while he is gone...kinda like what he did when I went to NYC......


Me+Katelyn=Friends Forever

she is coming back on the 15th.....YAY

I need to go take a shower and stuff so..........ya